I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
