I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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