So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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