Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
