dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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