Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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