you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
