how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
