Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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