I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
