I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
