I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
