Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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