I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
