At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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