We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
