My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
