Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
