I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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