Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
