I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
