i don't like sucking hair
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
