people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
