He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
