Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
