Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
