I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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