Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
