i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
