no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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