sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
