I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
