Soap is not a condiment
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
