If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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