I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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