What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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