In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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