Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
