I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize