I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
