I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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