So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
