I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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