I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
