That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
