I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize