We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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