Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need to sanitize my soul.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
