In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
