I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
