I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
