If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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