dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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