I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
