I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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