If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I will be naked everywhere
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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