just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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