the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
