My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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