Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
