In the future we'll all be gay
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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