I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was born a porn star she said
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
