No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
