i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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