I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
