We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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