SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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